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M is for Music P is for Profile (and Phatee)  Patricia Estrellla.
born on [February 12] and I'm sweet[16]. I study at [St. Joseph] as a second year high school student! I LOOOVE clothes, shoes, food, music, hair and make-up (what girls don't?) so you will see a lot of that kind of content in my blog. If you know me well, you'd learn that I'm actually kind of nerdy, down to earth, real, and definetly NOT like anyone else. Please visit my FLICKR &  BLOGGER PROFILE
C is for Cbox! F is for Friends Get a blog spot so i can link you here :) Allison A. Pia E. (sister) Regine M. (cousin) Andrea C. Vicky T. Danny N. Shauna S. Natashya C. Jamie V. Diandra S. Chris L. Deborah H. Micah V. Cherry Anne M. Nkechi N. Karina C. Ysabel G. myspace  A is for Archives
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
November 2009
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czarah was asking me for prom dress advice (how i felt about RUFFLES) and i brought up taylor momsen's gossip girl premier dress.   the belt and SHOES are annoying me but i love the cut of the top... this then leaded me to search about a dress i saw at marlas of a similar design and to my surprise, the results came up so easily! then i found this..  the material of the tulle and the sequins annoy me coz they look super tacky but HOLY... i love this dress... it's so perfect! if only i had a prom to go to, hehe. if i could, i'd have this in a lilac or cream, but a darker bluepink would be cute as well!! it's "so me" ahah... isn't it weird how people never wear floor length dresses to proms anymore? --- Yesterday I almost killed myself (k not rlly but) OMGGGG I was sooooooooooo fucking depressed/hopeless.... While giving my dog food, he wouldn't scoot and I kept my phone in my uniform sleeve thinking it would stay like all times but it FELL OUT and by AMAZING CHANCE, landed in Angel's water bowl =******( i took out the battery and dried it with a cloth but it didnt do shit so i researched and researched and put it in a box of rice and kept trying and checking on it (which ur not supposed to do) so i kept touch the damn thing and fell asleep watching role models. in the morning, i blow dried it and it worked! =*******) but i am still sad because it takes fuckin 00 years to turn on and th trackball doesnt respond to normal clicks, u have to really press it hard.... ugh!!!! and im convinced the sound is flawed, btu its better than nothing, right? i'm just really cheesed that its a BRAND NEW PHONE and if my parents had found out, they wouldve literally hit me with a brick or angel or something. I just lost my razr last summer and they were strongly against me getting such an expensive phone but obviously i insisted since it was my 16~*~* and all so i guess i should be thankful....... ughh why does this kind of shit happen to me though? everything is purely an accident and IM ACTUALLY PRETTY SURE someone in my summer school stole my razr........ he stole my classmates ipod touch for suure. he "lost it" in school and then i saw shezans minifeed him selling it with like no cords and shit, haha... ohh man..... thank god He pulled thru for me!!!!!!! I was literally down on my knees, bowing to my knees and crying a bit lol. Today we celebrated Kevin's bday (which technically doesn't exist because his bday is Feb 29) at Tremendous. Got there and the food was cold, lol..... Then went to Kevin's for a while n after that we went to playdium to play with our 2 2-hour unlimited play cards! So fun!! =) we played batting cages a few times, basketball, timecrises, table hockey, "carnEVIL" lmao!!, the bubble game, the co-op driving game, and fuckin DDR lmaooo.. I hate that shiatsu, and it hates me. "Do you even have legs?" - Russel Peters. Eww and someone was barefoot playing ddr :| :| :| Playdium's so fuckin packed so we had to LINGER behind a few ppl while they played their stupid never ending games. For instancce, this indian kid and some random.. the random left coz I was lingering and I expected the indian kid to scram as well but he didnt... it was cute tho aha... so the gun was like 999 degrees and throughout the game the little kid just kept guiding me like such a pro! ahaha made my day. Labels: blackberry 8900, cell phone, dress, fuck, playdium 0 HEARD 'EM SAY music: I hate this part - PCD (shuttt up!) mood: winter blues :( For the past week they've been puffy MOFOS and I don't even cry. Like do you know what I mean? When you cry before you sleep and you wake up and they are soooo fucking puffy =|...Well imagine that but with like dry flaky skin around it =***( ew I hate myself. They are really DRY and I have extreme puffage.... I actually liked my eyes before but since It's been occuring so often maybe it's just that my face is maturing starting with my eyes.  I want SPRING/SUMMER ALREADY! The peaches, neutrals, muted tones, drapey clothing, sandals, SUNKISSED GLOWS, shorts and cutoffs, waves, the fucking sun!!!!!!! I'm really loving the colour peach =****)#1 - Beach Frontin'  Perfect beach waves!!!!!!  Lolita Sunglasses! A must have for me =( I can't believe I still don't have these bad boys  #2 - Fly effortlessly   DREAM DRESS =*********D  cuuute =*)#3 - Badgal by night     #4 - Chilling around the neighbourhood on a lazy summer day LMAOO :$ (neccessary aa outfit :P)     I don't really LOVE glads... I like em, I have a pair but.... not CRAZY about them, you know? but there aren't a lot of sandals I liked online, so I'm just using them for now. #5 - Stroll downtown       Sup Jesus sandals... Which outfit is most akin to your style? Well, if you couldn't tell form the TEARS in outfit #2, that is my favourite. Even if we don't share the same style, which is your favourite? I think I made a previous post about BRAIDS and how I ADORE THEM! It's so hard for me to do them , though. Is it bad that I worship the LC/MK/nicole richie braid? (Monica would say yes) I wish I could do the fishtail braid but even the french braid is too complicated for me :|   That one is interesting. Obviously it wouldn't look good on me because I have ugly witchy black hair....... =*( Thats one thing I forgot will be different this summer. My nasty multi-coloured hair would not be as light as a ginger anymore!It's alright, tho. VADGE could pull off (great odin's) raven hair, & so shall I :*) (did ANYONE get teh anchorman joke....? :P) Labels: american apparel, asos, bags, eye, fashion, fuck, hair, top shop, urban outfitters 0 HEARD 'EM SAY MMMMMMMOOOOOOothafucka ahdshdjashd hahalalalhalallahalalahalala I'm grounded if YA HAVEN'T HEARD til February coz I.... "lost my virginity to batman on deck" hahaha I'm totally fucking with you. I skipped Religion so of course my parents "ground" me until February. WHO DOES THAT SRSLY. Religion is my first period and I didn't go because I didn't feel like it on Wednesday with Nikki, Miarka, Marteina and Joshuelle. We planned to make Hladin bring down the attendance and erase our names from absent but that SLY FOX OF A SUPPLY TEACHER (!!!) took it down himself. MOTHA FOCK. I honestly have never skipped before except during buyouts, last days of schools, vacations, "snow days" (aka bus cancellations) but my parents have always allowed me on those days...
RANDOM SHIT
Anyfucks, why do I keep swearing. FUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASUCKAPHREEEEEEEEEEEEEE Someone make me a free jitz/free yayo/phree phatee/free free (from bet hahaha) shirt....*COUGH* MONICA*COUGH* 0 HEARD 'EM SAY I'm back. TOO LAZY to write about the trip... but here's sum fun facts
The new years hype makes me feel depressed. It doesn't feel like fucking 2009... nothing's changed so I feel that nothing IS going to change and even tho my creepers gone I'm still so unbearably happy. BAHH.. I have a party tmrw but I don't even feel like going right now because of all the homework I have still... It makes me want to cry just thinking of all the stuff that's going to go on at school. Labels: fuck 0 HEARD 'EM SAY SOOO I'm LATE NIGHT BLOGGING.. like LATE LATE LATE night blogging. I should enjoy it while it lasts because I JUST REALIZED school is coming so fucking soon! AGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why the eff do teachers like to torture their students by giving homework over the holidays? I think I will do everything tomorrow so I can relax!! :) So manythings are going through my mind right now... Overwhelmed.... So I decided to type everything out.
3 HEARD 'EM SAY  Sorry peepz, much too lazy to upload pics (aka STEAL bcuz I was MUCH TOO LAZY TO TAKE PICS)but what a pleasant Christmas. Althought I do prefer the quaint kind of immediate family gathering type of Christmas. I really needed a loud one to wake me up and stop sulking the fuck around. SPEAKING OF WAKING UP. I woke up, took a shower, wore my tight ass cheap mondays and a sweater and drove to sq1. FUCKING ARITZIA. I got there at around 8:10, which is ten minutes before the mall opens, assuming Aritzia had a line-up before they opened (like previous years) people must have poured in because when i got there there was 1 meter line up HAHAHAH okay pretty small but when I came back like an hour later it went as far as Bitter Sweet. Every fucking year I go to Aritzia at or before the mall opens hoping I can grab something sweet. As usual I set myself up for disappointment when I see that RED AND WHITE PRICE TAG WITH COURIER FONT NUMBERS OF A MARK DOWN OF 5-7 FUCKING DOLLARS. So I left needing the wilfred pocket tank... (marked down 5$) and the talula babaton short coat version of mine but in brown (200$ as opposed to I forget $$) I've loved Aritzia since as long as I can remember REGARDLESS of how shitty their clientelle, quality, and marketing have gotten. I say this with all love... FUCK TNA. (even though I got a wallet from my ninang :(..., which I refuse to return coz thats just roooooood gyal tingz hahaa) That brand successfully killed the store. LOVE, OUTRAGED ARITZIA LOVER... HHAHAHAHAH k fuck, maybe I'm jsut pissed because I left there empty handed this year and all I got was 10$ mascara form sephora.. (LOL loner) but..... at 8:10 the line-up to even PURCHASE GOODZ had circulated to GOD KNOWS WHERE and for fucks sakes I hate being pushed around in that store because I'm a fucking short ass asian FUCK!!!! haha. Little pretentious snotty 10 year olds feeding off those tna monogramed speedy bags like their CRACK. SIGH, that group on facebook really is true...............I'm Aritzia's bitch. END BOXING DAY RANT. SO YEA PRETTY MUCH SUMS UP THAT I ONLY BOUGHT MASCARA... :) lol my mom went to Vaughan Mills with my cousins and I'm just here.. loathing boxing day... loathing crowds, bitchiness, parking lots.... My dad's going to sporting life tho... sooo holla aa? I loooved my mermaid green flex fleece hoody, mon!! It's amazing!!! I still must get u a present bcuz I feel like such a BITCH right now lmao. ANYYPOO..almost forgot.. yesterday was the anniversary of our Christ lolz. Christmas was good...... quick rundown
miss you guys more than you would imagine. phatee. OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEE-FUCKING-ESS!!!!!!!!!!!    FUCKED UP RETARDED EYE DUNN WATCH DAT.on christmas eve i was lonely and TIRED OUT OF MY MIND FROM WRAPPING BILLIONS OF PRESENTS.......... SO..... I baked... unknowing that my cookies would be perfect on CHRISTMAS DAY IT WAS A MIRACLE. THESE COOKIES ARE SO DELICIOUS BUT I NEVER GET THEM RIGHT.. EVER.. THEY HAVE NEVER EXPANDED TO SUCH A MIRACULOUS SHAPE THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE EXCEPT ON CHRISTMAS DAY AROUND MIDNIGHT =*) I ONLY COOKED FOUR BUT I LEFT ONE FOR PIA AND JOE TO FIGHT OVER BUT I SHOWED IT TO JOE TELLING HIM THE STORY OF THE MIRACLE COOKIE FROM GOD CONCIEVED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT AND BORN OF THE VIRGIN OVEN AND HE EFFIN DEVOURED IT WHEN IT WAS IN MY HAND I WANTED TO CRY LMAO. GOLDEN BROWNED TO A DAMN NEAR PERFECTION IN ALL ITS CHEWY MOIST BUT STILL LOVELY GOODNESS!!! BUT IT WAS AMAZING. (tbh soooo sad that a highlight of my 2008 christmas was a "miracle cookie" FUQQ U GUYS LMAO.. but in all serious.. a breakthrough in patricia estrella cookie baking.) THIS POST AHS TOO MANY FUQQING CAPZ ON DA REALZ Labels: aritzia, christmas, food, fuck, hate, rant, shopping 0 HEARD 'EM SAY I caught up to 3 days worth of homework and studied for all my tests in one day. Fuck Sundays, I'm never doing this again. I was literally in my living room from 11-11 today. FUCK that, man! Hate it. I really need to buy my secret santa's present soon... (s)he's a hard pleaser.... has everything he/she wants and his/her list was SO vague. :/ WHATEVS. I'll think of something. We're kinda close, I guess. It's my parent's 20-something anniversary today and I had to skip Red Lobster, IKEA, ANDDDDD Sherway to catch up. BAHHHHHHHHHHHH *screams in pillow* I'm going to study some more bio.. Don't think I've got it down completely just yet. FUCK MY LIFE FRENCH... Still not 100% sure if I'm conjugating IMPARFAIT, IMPERATIF, CONDITIONNEL correctly... Still a bit behind. This entry is all over the place, but I've been making notes and watching Finding Nemo and Seinfeld whilst eating biscuits my parents brought home for me half of today so you can only imagine how out of place I am right now. I think I'm going crazy =) ps. Religion test Tuesday. aaaaaand Civvies day sometime this week... someone told me we cant wear pants? The FUCK. HAHAHAH welllll... okay then :) i'll just arrive sans pants...avec pretty panties? k, trueeeeee. I'M SO MAD I can't find my iPod!!!!!!!! Madd updates, I downloaded some cool podcasts ahhaha. HOLY FUCK I SAW ANOTHER LIGHTNIGN FLASH OMGGGGGG AGAIN WHAT THENF=ASFKDHSFD IS IT JUST ME :( :( edit: that was my sister taking photos of her boots in her ribbed cotton tomato coloured top (!!! :@) hahaha I'm jk. *prays to God she doesn't read this* but I honestly screamed and wailed a bit ahahhahahahahaha. 0 HEARD 'EM SAY Semi was aiight. After party felt like 10 minutes. All I remember is trying to smoke but I couldn't because I'm retarded. I accidentally slept over at Tim's and I got in so much shit, but less than I would have predicted. Anyways, yesterday I watched Bambi and.... kinda, sorta, cried? On another note. The reaper of my life messaged me after creeping my fucking sister on youtube. I honestly have so much to say but NEVER will I ever speak to such a person who has violated my rights of privacy and happiness. I want to know how she fucking found out because I am beyond pissed. I want to just scream and choke and kill myself so she would leave me alone. Why can't you just move the hell on and let go? Tomorrow I'm investing in a real journal. BLOG HIATUS. 1 HEARD 'EM SAY I don't want to expose, but this is definetly a memory I want to just document for forever. DON'T LECTURE ME COZ HONESTLY, whatever, I had fun. As one of many AA pages would like to be quoted "n0-r3gr3TZ"only the asian avenue.com or..... S3XX3D@AA.COM (<-LEGIT?) From what I've gathered from everyone and the best of my ability to remember, the night went as follows: Friday, November 7th, 2008... Better known as PLAR 2. You know.... Party like a rockstar? HAHHH soo lamesauce, but it's too fun just saying PLAR. Apparently I said a buncha weird stuff but this is one just what the turd moment...
& I wouldn't be so surprised if I found out I started crying again haha ANYYYways, on Saturday I woke up in my cousins house and my dad picked me up. I went home then to Mcdonalds to meet with the friendzy. Ended up staying and buying "LIFE", then played it and lost with 650,000$ in debt as a doctor in a log cabin LMFAO? Lauren came, Jenny came. Lauren left, me and mon JAM SESHED FOR LIKE 3 HOURS DOING NOTHING BUT SINGING OLD SCHOOLLLLL AA SONGS!!!!!!!! I left, Jenny and them chillde I guess, lol. & ON myw ay home my mom fished it out of me that I had been drinking, but she was cool about it after her minute long lecture on how the drinking age is 19. But technically, it's not illegal to drink, I just can't buy it. SO WHAAAA! SUU WOOOO. Sunday I went to Pmall with my fam and found nothing, it's not even worth going there anymore coz that purikura place is doneskis and it was mine and Eleishas "THING" :*( Agh........ UHM I HAVE THE CRAZIEST "BHESSIE" EVER :) "rape the g-spot on ur way out, payce. wun." 0 HEARD 'EM SAY  Cherry Anne, I saw ur cousin (I think) at american apparel (if u even read this blog lol <3)!It seems like the hate in those house grows more and more each day and its slain towards me. I can't bring myself to hug anyone but my dad and I just want to never talk to anyone. So glad I got the big hoodie because its much warmer than the coldness I'm getting from every one. It's so comfortable and it makes up for how uncomfortable I feel around everyone. Retail therapy certainly worked its wonders at a price.... Today I went to Sherway with Monica and Tim. Due to some fucked up arrangements I made (a MISTAKE no one really gets or wants to understand) my day just felt horrible. But I love them so much...Honestly you know how close a relationship with people are when u can cry in front of them and smile a second later. I fucking love these kids to deaaath. HOW ABOUT.. those times I was forgotten nearly an hour after the school bell rang. They weren't uncommon. Or how about how you bring me anywhere I want... I admit I don't thank you enough but if the case were that I was the one with a lisence and a few more years of experience, YOU KNOW THINGS would be different. I'm not a bad sister and you know it. Try being Pia's younger sister. You'll discover embarassement and being ashamed of who you are as if my self-esteem isn't low enough. The only way to fight the insecurities of having your own sister not love you by arguing with her to show how you aren't weak. To hide how jealous you are that your own sister seems to love her cousins more than you. To have your own nephew hate you just like your sister did so even if she does mature into loving you, there's a second wave of hatred. I waited until you had your baby to see that if you discovered true love through Jace, you could open your heart and allow me into it. How would you defend yourself in this position? I know I'm so sensitve but I'm just having a really bad week. I'm kind of shocked at the fact that if I'm sad.... the natural response I get from this house is to make me feel even worse, especially if it's my fault. Not even taking into account that people make mistakes. I'm not even going to say anything else. 2 HEARD 'EM SAY I'm in a state of shock(er). lol stfu, monica. "REALTALKS" This morning I was crying so much because I woke up late today. Wait, I'm getting there. I was late today so I barely was ready, I didn't know where my shoes were, so I missed the bus that gets me to school... ON TIME. I made my dad bring me to school... He usually hates doing that because he works sometimes night shifts and is too tired. But I made him bring me anyways because YEAH I JUST really hate being late. SO on our way to school, some people stop on the main road, Creditview and just drop off kids in front of the school coz they're lazy or whatever and it takes too much time. This one car stopped so my dad was like, k get off and whatever and stopped as well. As I was getting off, I felt the car move forward and my seatbelt restrict me. To my surprise, we a car had bumped us and I just left because I was too scared. I hate doing when something so fucking random like this happens. I felt that it was all my fault and I was just too embarassed to get to class like this I just kinda broke down at my locker with Emily <3. I was really emo this whole day though. Accidents are the worst, I'm telling you. Our family is decent, working class but it's hard to live the way we do. I adore my parents for working so hard to give the best living to me, my sister, jace, joe, and angel and I know how hard it is to make us all happy. Sometimes it seems like we live luxuriously but is it really luxurious when we're working so hard to live like htis that in the end its value grows worthless because it doesn't even make us happy? I buy the things that I buy because I have a job and because I need it. I can dream but I won't always have it. And we share our dreams with each other the same way we share our grievences. I don't live a fucking hard knock life, I live a good life with hard knocks, like every family. I hate how I'm just realizing this now. Anyways, Religion I had pip program.. I don't even know how to approach Veronica's learning methods. This too, opened my eyes. I always think of how her family copes with shit, you know? I 'm glad I met her, she's also adorable. For Halloween she's Hannah Montana. I FEEL like I understand her so much, even though she can't talk. Math WAS STUPID I'M SO STUPID. I completely lost everything I knew, but I got to sit with lean and talk about "no one else comes close" lmfao. I hate physics. PERIOD. I love French because our unit is about cultures. MAN <3 oh man... I love learning about the globe... and that Discovery channel commercial is damn catchy lolz. I got hooome and... there were holes at the back of my dads car. I was like.. okay... what the fuck coz like.. they were holes... I inspected it further and they lookde like bullet holes... They were adhesives though.. Does this man think he's slick? Trying to trick me.. I think he could tell how scared and guilty I felt when I stormed off, lol. I had a napppppy, made noodles, watched gg... and.... shit my ballz. WHAT THE HELLL JENNY :@ :@ U PREGO. max and willa (i forgot her nmae in the show) were damn annoying and too "hipstered out" FUCKING AHTED MAX LIKE WHO DA FUCK HE THINK HE IS ugh it's kinda getting annoying. I love Jenny working at Eleanors.... I think it's a better path and promises a good future than hanging out with hipsters I'M SORRY BUT like.... bah. MAYBE she'll find success.... She looks talented. I don't know, she has potential just not with her new friends, fucking hate them. Hopefully they won't be as mean and bitchy as Eleanor (major bitch tips) ANYWAYS I SLAVED OVER MY MATH HOMEWORK, can't bring myself to tell you how many pages I fucking used :@ But ATLEAST it's over and done with. Peace. Labels: family, fuck, hate, real talks 0 HEARD 'EM SAY The taste of salt is the worst when it comes from your eyes. What is the scietific formula for a tear? H2O + NaCl= Fucked up Sourire! You can have whatever you like. 0 HEARD 'EM SAY 0 HEARD 'EM SAY Proof that my best friend is ACTUALLY a dude " MERMEX ktbpa says: (12:50:03 AM) I'm not surprised. I was so close to losing it, and she didn't even have to ask how close. I effing LOVE afflickie <3 my LOVE! 08.19.69 SINCE '69 BAAYBEH I don't keep track of how often we bond(-age) ahhaha (not me and afflickie, me & monchron) but it's not frequent. However, when we do talk she's the only person capable to making me laugh the most and still talk to :*) I usually doubt that best friends ARE real... even though I say it, but like.... it's not about how many times you see him or her, how many times you spend time with him or her, but how every time you do it all explodes in happiness, regardless of if the time someone is pissed the fuck off, best friends are there for the important times and willing to help, they never let you down. BRB KILLING MYSELF OVER CORNINESS. For example, This whole year I kind of doubted Eleisha because she wouldn't call, go on msn. She spent more time with Mabel than me, even at school. I'm fine with that because we still never feel that we drift when we're talking. Emily on the other hand is like.. gone. And has my stuff, lol. I really love this girl, I consider her my best firends, but even when I try to contact her she would make no effort to reply, or contact me. She clearly has other friends, and that's cool. Sometimes I just want to be there to look out for her, though. But yeah, LIFE GOES ON. No more sulking. I've got the greatest friends. Tim, Danny, and Janvir make me feel so comfortable and it's never awkward because of how we communicate, it's like they're my brothers, and I love them SO much :) I guess when you're in a family unwilling to make the slightest bit interest interest in you, you turn to your friends! Don't get my wrong, my mom and my dad love me, but I feel as if they don't really give a shit about how happy I am just as long as they know where I'm going, how long 'til, who its with, and how I'll get there/home. Maybe that is the way they show it, but it's a crappy way, IMO.. If there's one thing for sure, it's my sister who isn't willing AT ALL to act her age or her role in my life to me. I fucking do everything for her AND Jace and she won't clean the fuck up... The mess and her act. And I don't clean up either, but I'll always end up cleaning JACE's stuff. I understand you're busy with school/work and shit but that's no excuse for treating me as a parasite. I run up to hug you and you fucking push me away and say ew. You think I do it just to annoy you but I just say that to other people because they don't fucking understand you like I do. If I told them I meant it, HOW EMBARRASSING would that sound? I love my sister but she hates me and always have. I know I said this before, but Jace hates me, and I think it's because Pia and Joe do. Sometimes I get it that they're just teasing me, but when does kidding around cross the line and hurts people? You obviously don't give a shit, and how foolish was it for me to keep trying? Caroline was right, what's the point of being nice to someone when it's CLEAR that they're being rude and won't be the same to you back. I've tried already, how many times...? If I'm a bitch, you'll just get bitchier, but I'M NOT GIVING YOU SHIT until you fucking grow up and become a sister. 15 years of your absence of love substituted with presents and drives from point a to point b. I appreciate that, but it still means nothing because they are mindless things. Buying presents, being forced to do something for me. How does that show your love? The only thing I truly respect was that christmas card you didn't give me or finish that I found the next day. Maybe I'm bitter because other people have nicer siblings, but hey, if you have a sibling, don't ever take them for granted because you're really LOSING A LOVED one without them actually leaving. When will you stop treating me as worthless and see how much I sacrifice for you? When will you stop this bad girl image. You say you love me but I don't for one second buy it because you're back to ur bitch ass ways sooner or later. Of course it's to cover up how much you "love me" but if you can't prove it, I guess it's not true. Stop giving me something to hope on, it just makes things worse. SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU HOPE FOR IT. Anyways, sorry for the MADD ventage (you're damn right that's a madd with double d's) but yeah. LOVE is being stressful at the moment. The guy I thought I liked... isn't the same to me anymore. We talked for a while but I'm not really into him anymore, well at all. I just lost interest. Everyone says he likes me now, and it's probably not true, atleast I hope so because I really hate leading people on or avoiding them I just insist on them stop liking me. So he keeps trying to get at me, and I keep dodging these bullets. It's hard for me to reconfirm why I'm not interested, but I'm actually positive now that it's because as soon as someone I'm interested in (actually it doesnt matter, this goes for everyone except girls that are friends... just boys) is quickly showing affection to me, I HAVE to get the fuck outta the situation because I'm scared. I honestly am, of commitment, love,I like to take things really slow, and I like to love people after I know them. I'm convinced that the only guys I will date have to go through this three step program 1. become my best friend (steps 2 and 3 stolen form underwear gnomes of South Park) hahhaah well, the first one is a big step. Just a tip fellas, if you can make me "LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMG" then ur halfway there :P 0 HEARD 'EM SAY This always happens. I'm at the happiest point of my life and immediately it's shattered. lol@shat. I just want to get the fuck away from EVERYONE, curl up and magically be great at piano like i used to. I feel so alone, and I feel that the cure is to be more alone. I know that it's not good, but whatever. I have summer school tomorrow. I'm fastracking history at St. Joes and I'm not excited. I'm actually missing a family vacation. I didn't even realize it. I really wish I didnt fast track HISTORY. It's my favourite and most fun subject. I have no one to chill with because it means either money or transportation. I have none of these. I don't want to ask my parents for anything, they've given me everything. Summer movies to look forward to: Dark Fucking Knight... obviously Step Brothers Pineapple Express Tropic Thunder Will update later. Letting teen angst get the best of me. 0 HEARD 'EM SAY |
